March 13, 2009

I vowed I would be so good with this blogging, and here we are again, months between an enry! Ridiculous! Lately I feel like I can't even find time to think about doing anything extra... That being said, I guess I have taken on some new hobbies, so as usual, I get my obsessions on, and distraction proves to make things difficult.

Again, who knows where to start... I guess I will just write a bit about life right now, and, well, you've gone this long without knowing anything new, so I guess it won't kill you to miss whatever I forget to put in!

Let's start with Chris...

I am a better patient than cargiver. Chris has his surgery on February 13. Things are not going as smoothly as he had hoped, and he has now been upgraded to HydroMorphine. We don't know if it is this "chronic pain syndrome" that he was warned happens 5% of the time, or if he just isn't healing as fast as most. It has been REALLY dificult! As usual, I had too much on my plate going into it, so it was hard for me to be clear minded to take on the extra responsibilities. Excuses being excuses, in the end, I really have not been what I should have been for him. Considering he will walk me through numerous surgeries of my own...

Puppies were born one week after his surgery. Sam was a huge help, thank god, as it was aot of work to do solo. Chris laid on a matress on the floor, so it was nice to have him there at least. I spent 10 days in the basement on the hard mattress to make sure all went well with puppies. Between my efforts of trying to wind down after a full day, and the pups, and the mattress, I was not sleeping. Needless to say, I was mighty bitchy. He has been alot more acive lately, so has been helping alot, but cleaning the crate and keeping up with the dirty laundry is still my onus, and right now, they arent even that messy! I am dreading the next week or so when the work doubles! THey are adorable though and I know I am going to have mad puppy withdrawl when they go. Most are already sold. We had one little one born with a disclocated knee. Tonight he cost $125, and it will cost more. I didn't have the heart to put him down as he is thriving and healthy and beautiful, but he wil cost us two pups.. him and the value of another, to get into shape This is where they say, you don't make money breeding.

My depression is completely messed again. It is now resistant to the medication I was on. The pain management clinic told me that it was too long between psychiatrist visits and that they should take over my medication plan, so I agreed, and then when what they prescribed didn't work either, and I came to them with some ideas, all of a sudden it is out of their realm. In the meantime, they have me weaning off my anti depressants... so I am just a righteous mess right now emotionally. Trying to keep it all in check is a trial, I think I am managing ok, but I hate feeling like this. So now I have to wait for them to get me back in the with the psychiatrist, so I can try and get a handle on everything again. I wish I could just be "normal"... I t would be really nice to be able to control my own moods.

Money! Ya, well, it seems the new bed, and the extra moving expenditures, have caught up. It doesn;t help that I haven't been working... So now I am taking on as many hours as I can get to try and catch up. So, added to the lot is me now working some 8 hour days.. Something I haven't done since I was sick... and it is strenous on my body. My pain goes all over the scale, and by time I can get home to manage it, I end up nauseous from taking the instant pain relief. I am more tired than I can remember feeling ever in my life, and I have a hell of a time sleeping.. until my sleeping pills kick in... It is one time in my life that I can honestly say, I have WAY too much on my plate.. but I really have no choice.

Hedgehogs have been fun.. Aside from my breeding crew, I have taken in afew rescues. Sam typically does all the feeding and I help with cages etc.. Since Sam is gone, I have been flying SOLO, which is actually kinda nice.. I get to spend more time with the hogs, and I enjoy the few minutes of peace and quiet to myself. I actually have two new breeders coming in this week. An albino and a cinnamon girl. Thats something I dont mind taking on, because I find them relaxing.

The house is STILL no where near finished, but the backyard finally had most of the junk removed! YEAAH!! So just waiting for him to come get the last of it and fix the fence, and we can actually make use of it! The rest I have given up on.. if it happens, great. I would stil really like to paint in here as the pain is horrible in most places, but I will wait til things settle down.

So, it's spring and so starts the events for YCSC. I am hoping it will be a good summer, as I have let go of the reins the past several months as I have been ill.

My bladder testing came back abnormal, so now I have to go for a cystoscapy.. Yee haw. I am hoping it will yiely some explanations. It is sucky having a sore bladder all the time.

No bike yet.. was planning to get one with the puppy money, but we were not able to do to the small litter and the disability. I am hoping some money will come through this spring. I am so desperate.

Can't think of much else now and I am exahausted, so I will try to remember to write again soon.