Nov.4,2008

So it has been an odd last few weeks....I am at the point right now, where the last 4 months of my life are just a chaotic mess of non cancer illness & pain.

Since my brain surgery I have had something referred to as Disassociate Syndrome (sp). Basically I have periods where I feel small in the world around me, as well as feeling, at times, like I am viewing my world from above my body.... Like I am not a part of myself.

I have been feeling that way alot lately. Apparently with a new medication that affects Dopamine and Seratonin, it is common to develop this syndrome, so not unlikely that it has made my syndrome more predominant. With all the side affects, I have considered discountinuing the med, but i feel a signifigant shift in my personality and stress levels since starting it, so I am riding it out. That being said, it is weird having moments of "not being yourself". Hard to explain but if you can imagine watching what you are doing but feeling like it is not really you.. Very strange.

I have also had 2 Chronic pain upisodes in the past month... I assume it is due to my increased activity, as I started back to work on October 10, after 4 months off from the car accident. I am not working much, as my shoulder still throbs regularly, but I am taking a shift here and there. The most recent flare up was this weekend, where I was sure I was going to end up in emerg on Sunday night, but by today, it has simmered down. I think that one was due to halloween and walking for hours. I wish I could do things that normal 29 year olds do. I am hoping to get back on core training on Monday, which builds up my side strength and I seemed to feel better when I was... I am just worried that I will flare itup again...

Otherwise, things are ticking along as we clean and organize the house for the move. It is so much work. Luckily the move, the packing, moving and cleaning is completely done for us, but it is getting everything ready for them in the meantime.

Boo had her convention this weekend, and we were going to drive in and out both days, but that meant getting up at 5am both Saturday and Sunday, then finding something to do until 5pm, then driving home... So We decided that despite not really having the cash as we are trying to save for the new rent, damage deposit, and christmas, to rent a room. Sam is going to have a sleepover with her cousin who lives in Vancouver, so she is stoked. I am hoping to get my tattoo touched up while I am there as it has needed that for 4 months now!

Well I am dead tired, but wanted to update. I have been finding it easier to go to sleep since being on the new pills too, which is REALLY nice. Although I have this neat bladder thing since the car accident that sometimes I really have to go to the bathroom, but when I go, I can't go.. So I have had afew times of waking up to go to the washroom, only to sit there.. So that wakes me up and then it takes forever to go back to sleep... But overall, feeling more rested.

I work tomorrow for 3 hours in the morning, and then have a staff meeting in the evening... Thursday I have my MRI, lets hope an arm vein screams out at them, as the swelling and bruising from last weeks MRI is still holding it's own. Hopefully I will have the results from Wednesdays, by next Monday or Tuesday.