Been a bit since I've written.... We have had so much going on lately!

Where to start?

So I did my Class 6 (motorcycle) road test on Tuesday... I stressed beyond belief through Monday night, barely slept... I picked up the school's bike at 2:15pm and road to the DMV.. My first official ride alone! It was bizarre! You feel so much less confident without the guidance of an instructor and the support of your classmates that you have been riding with for the past 2 weeks. I felt so unstable on the bike on the way, but reminded myself that we hd been told numerous times to not judge yourself the first half hour on the bike when you are a new rider... So I made it down there by about 2:45. My test was for 3:15, so I took an extra spin around the neighborhood and through some school zones etc.. Just to feel more confident. It didn't help. I went to DMV as my classmate did her test at 2:15 and was due back at 3:00. When she arrived back, I watched her get quite a long talk from the examiner and I worried she hadn't made it, but she came inside and said she had! I was so happy for her! I went outside with her for her to talk about what she did wrong and she explained that she had actually made a dangerous maneuver and was almost failed, but the examiner cut her a break... While we were talking the examiner came out for a coffee break and we were all chatting. By the end, I felt much more relaxed with her! I went through my test feeling relatively relaxed suprisingly. I had accepted the fact that I would either pass or fail and that would be it, so why worry?

The final intersection I took, was a 4 way stop. I waited for my right of way, and then went to go and I STALLED! I haven't stalled since day two of riding, obviously nerves were in play. I recovered quickly and went to complete my turn, but the guy to my right decided he was going to go, with me in the middle of the intersection already. I went to go, saw him going and waved him on... Irritated, I was sure I failed. We pulled in and she asked how I felt. I told her that I thought I messed up at the intersection. She asked if I had meant the intersection at the neginning of the test. I didn't even realize I had made any other intersection mistakes. She began to explain how I went to take a left turn on an intersection and saw it was unsafe to go. She said that was the right choice, but that right after, I went, and there was even less space. She said I took a moment to recover my turn and that it could have been fatal. I totally did not remember that point in the test... I felt the pressure in my chest, but was feeling emotionally strong and prepared for the fail. She proceeded to tell me how my roadskills were very strong and that I was a very good diver, that without that one poor decision, there wouldn't have been any issues at all.. That felt even worse, but again, I was still prepared for the fail, but then she turned it around and said that because I was so strong in every other way, she was going to overlook that poor decision as she felt it was a result of nerves... I lost it and cried my eyes out... She continued to lecture me on the importance of safe spacing etc... I was totally prepared for a yes or no, but the twists and turns threw me and I was so relieved to pass that I completely broke down.

So I am officially a Biker Chick! WOO HOO!! All I need now is a bike!

After spending weeks trying to figure out how to finance a bike, and learning that no one will finance on a bike, you have to get a personal loan, and Chris can't get a personal loan as he does not have enough rebuilt credit since his bankrupcy, we are left with no options other than waiting for some funds to come in that we are expecting. Chris has been frustrated beyond belief with trying to get his credit stable so we have options. Our car has been in pretty rough shape for awhile now. We were looking at having to get two more new tires after having just replaced two, and having to do the front brakes again for the third time this year. Our whole suspension system was shot and we just recently replaced the battery. There was still an oil leak in the engine too...we were looking at about $3000 in repairs. That is basically all the car was worth as a private sale, but we were going to try and get by with it until our settlement in a year or two. Since we desperately need to rebuild our credit so that if we need loans, we can get them, or so we can actually purchase a house at some point, we decided it was time to get a car. It is easy to get vehicle financing... and the rate we got actually wasn't that bad! In 10 months, we will refinance it at a lower rate, and Chris's credit should be pretty strong!

So we now have a beautiful, brand new 2008, Pontiac G5 4 door with luxury kit, parked in our driveway!! WE LOVE IT! Chris has driven everywhere we go since we got it on Monday... Chris NEVER drives and it has been a wonderful break for me! ha ha. The car is under full warantee for 5 years, and we can relax some. The payments will make life tight, but really, we were putting out that in repairs and the difference in gas mileage, and we are rebuilding too.

So after 2 weeks of A crazy schedule of dance, cheer, school, bike lessons, jolica parties and running around trying to get things in order/chores/errands.... The cold I have been fighting for 2 weeks had peaked and now left me no option but to rest as I can barely breathe and I am coughing up a lung. My nose is like a tap today, my cough had gone to my bronchi as usual, due to my bronchial asthma... I tried to keep going through it, but it has told me it is time to relax. So I am trying to give it a bit of rest now, I am taking T3's for the coedine as a suppresant and the pain relief, when I cough this much, it throws my side into fits of pain. The kids have no school tomorrow so that gives me a bit of down time.

So, ups and downs... Still working on getting a bike, Have a beautiful new car, and gotta kick the crap out of this cold!

So that's the dirt for the moment.

Of course, I never fully stop and am in the process of setting up the details for Steel Horse Ammendment... The Motorcycle run for Young Cancer that we will put on in May sometime. If you know of any riders who would like to participate, please have them search Steel Horse Ammendment on Facebook and joing the group to stay updated as we work through the details!

I am hoping to have over 100 riders. We will start and end at Boone County in Coquitlam. There will be a huge parking lot Rally BBQ at the end, followed by some dancing when the club opens. I will give more details as they come!

Well my September 11th seems to have spread across the past few days. THis year was one of the hardest to deal with so far. The actual day was a mess... I was in tears the majority of the day and it was like reliving the 6:45am phone call to say mom had left, all over again... but the days before and even today, have been mood roller coasters for me.

It doesn't help that I am still having issues with this really wierd cold that seems to turn itself off and on again. I have started using my inhaler and cough syrup to try and manage it, but it is a deep seeded chest cold, and I feel like crap!

I am so lucky this year, to have amazing friends who have helped pull me through my rough patch, from the beautiful flowers I received from a friend who was thiking of me, to the warm emails I received, It felt nice to know I was in people's thoughts.

I ride 5 hours today and 5 hours tomorrow, and then on Tuesday is my real ICBC roadtest, which I am nervous beyond belief about!!!

I have begun to try and pull the spring ride together, and it now has a name.

Steel Hourse Ammendment Act, will be a motorcycle run, this spring, with all procedes going to continue to help Young Adults with Cancer through YCSC. I am hoping to put my whole head into it around the beginning of October, once I have rested, gotten over this cold and hopefully stabalized my shoulder some, not that I am doing it any good ridding, but hey, I am determined.

Well just a small update, but it's something.

I know I have been horrible at updating again.. My bad.

Our fundraiser at Boone County on Friday night was amazing. Johnny (the manager) was amazing, aside from getting a gazillion donations for silent auction and raffle and such, he also placed a mandatory ticket purchase until midnight Friday night to increase our funds. I know that was a huge thing for him to do on a Friday night and he even turned away some regulars who refused to pay. I cannot begin to express how incredibly amazing the whole night was. Pretty well everything was handled by staff, leaving me more time to socialize and promote. Unfortunately, do to my nature, that still meant flying around like a chicken with my head cut off, but I felt more at ease knowing everything was under control.

We dealt with some time pressures towards the end of the night and will deffinately have to provide an itinerary next time, to keep things more in line. Some wonderfully unpleasent old man came over and started freaking out on me because it was 1am and the raffle hadn't been pulled yet. I was devestated that someone could treat me like that being a charity event, but as many mentioned, some people could care less about why they are there, especially when that amount of liquor has been consumed. Another fellow secided that since he did not win the silent auction item he wanted, he would become abusive. That was fun too, but other than that, everyone there was amazing.

I am looking forward to continuing to work with Boone, twice a year, once for this event every September, and also to end our ride for cancer with them. Our evenings intake was approx. $2100.00 as we are still trying to collect on some of the silent auction items. We will support the difference for two members heading to Lake Louise and then spend some money on acutal publicity, in the way of brochures, new business cards to reflect our name change, and probably some merchandise to sell at future events, depending on what kind of deal we can get.

The fundraiser could not have gone over without the help of those of you who came out to show your support. A special thanks to Cassandra, Dennis, Hubby and Steve for helping setup, Donna for being our fantastic sales person, Rob and Mike for robbing the crowd of every penny they had on raffle and 50/50, MIchelle for assisting with twoonie toss and body shots, my insane nieces for doing body shots and donating the procedes back to the organization, the staff, bouncers, DJ and of course management of Boone, The poulton's for their donation for silent auction, Sport Check and Lilian for the Cross trainers, XXXtreme for the loads of stuff, Michelle for the Sears portrait, Pizza Hut and Fabutan for the gift certificates, and everyone else that I am sure I am missing.

I have already begun working out the details for our public awareness materials, and am taking a two week down time before hopefully beginning the planning of our next event, which will be a Motorcycle Ride for Young Cancer in the Spring. I figure I should actually pass my road test before moving on to that.

After Friday night, I spent Saturday and Sunday riding... It was AMAZING!!! It was everything I expected and then some! I am sooo glad that I finally comitted to doing it and so thankful to Valley for making it possible. After the three days of intensity and stress, I was really run down and woke up with a wicked cold and hardly being able to move on Monday. The combination of using muscles I haven't in a long time for balance, my still screwed up shoulder from the car accident, and my sore tailbone.... So Monday was a mess and I was REALLY Worried about tonight.

I still have no bike and no idea how I will get one. We are still waiting for Chris to get a review of his disability since he is only on 5% but has been off work disabled for over a year now.. If that comes through there will be backpay, and it should be enough to cover a starter bike. At the same time, we are both fixing some errors on our credit reports, and hoping it will bring us up to the level to be accepted for a loan, since we are close. Chris is only 3 years out of bankrupcy, and my credit might be good enough since my bankrupcy is entirely off my record finally, but they don't like that my primary income is disability, so that holds me back fom financing. I am just hoping something will work out as that tends to happen for us when we find ourselves in a bind. I desperately want one though, especially now that I can officially ride.

Other than that, it has been a hectic couple of weeks with the kids back in school and acticities starting back up. On top of that I have had my lessons and have afew Jewellery parties this month, so that will keep me busy. I am hoping to head back to blockbuster by the end of this month, though I still have to use pain pills alot just getting through my normal tasks, and I pretty much have to medicate myself to sleep after riding due to the shoulder pain, but I refused to let anything get in my way of fulfilling my dream.

I am looking forward to having more time to focus on building and stabalizing the organization, now that most community events have wrapped up and there is no fundraiser in the way for a bit. I am hoping to be able to recruit afew more volunteers and start hitting Dr.s offices and do some more networking to make sure we are letting everyone who can benefit from what we can offer, know we are here.

We have recruited a new volunteer who is supposed to come out to our next meeting on the 15th. I am hoping he will work out and I will be able to get more in action with more people able to put time in. Our non profit status should be through soon, and that will allow us to run more efficiently as well. I am looking forward to alot of growth this year.

Thursday will mark the 4th anniversary of losing mom. I am unsure how I will feel with this one and hope I will be a bit more stable getting through it then in the past. It is still so hard to deal with at times, and I wonder if that wound ever gets easier. I know that it has become more maintainable, but it is still soo painful. There is not a time that goes by, when something changes in my life, or something good or bad happens, that I don't think to reach for the phone to hear her excitement, or her words of console. I suppose that will never leave, and I often wonder how hard it must be for my dad (step) to get through his days so lonley and having no one to talk to. I am lucky to have built a family prior t her departure, that I can attempt to fill the void with, but I don't know how you do it without that, I supposed that is why I always make sure that Chris knows if anything happens to me, that I expect him to move on, and find someone to make life easier.

Well, I am exauhsted, my head is reeling and I actually still feel nauseous from to anxiety of going through the test tonight, so I am of to bed.

I decided to reopen the blog to public viewing.



As I have never said anything personal about anyone, and I feel that there are useful contribution in here.



People who choose to take things in here out of context, are ignorant. I have always been a firm believe that if you think you have an issue, ask... 90% of the time, you will find it either has nothing to do with you, or your are over reacting.



Anyways, I have a ton to write about, the fundraiser, riding lessons, how I've been feeling etc.. But am heading out the door for another early morning of kids to school and such. I will try to write tonight.



For those looking for an idea how we did... We raised over $2100.00 on Friday night. THank you for all your support!!



Will write more soon!

It often happens that I get myself into a spot where I feel trapped, where I take on too much, and I feel stressed, tight, drained....

I am there right now, partially due to recent events, and mostly because as usual, I have taken on too much! Ha ha.

I think having had the summer off, and then jumping in with both feet has just pushed me that extra bit! The funny thing is, I was looking at my blog, like I sometimes do to reassess my thoughts from the previous day, and as I am staring at it, plain as day is a quote that I recently published on the side bar of my blog. I publish these quotes when they grab me , and when they feel applicable. Like many things in my life, I am great at understanding them at the time, but losing my own understanding in times of frustration or emotional drain. It is much like how I am able to preach to those that surround me about taking care of themselves, doing what is best for them, supporting their owns needs and goals... but when it comes to myself, often times I don't take that in myself.

“But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.”

I read this over and over again, and realized that it is the exact position I am in right now. Outside negativity, Sleep, Stress Control - These are some of the battles I have lost recently but in return, I have once again raised the bar in regards to the organization.

I have reached out to the community and we have some new volunteers coming on board to help with some of the things that I am just not getting to, expanding, educating and assist with upcoming events and projects, as well as bringing some fresh new insight and helping organize us to be able to attend more functions and hopefully in turn, provide more of the resources that we hope to obtain.

All in all, it has been a very good month. Two new Company sponsors, some new volunteers and a whole fall ahead of us to cement ourselves for the spring.

Despite the suffering and despite, good has come, and I have come that much closer to building my dream organization. I know what I am fighting for, and I have alot more fight in me yet... After all, I learned from the best - Love you mom.

If there is one thing I know about myself, it is that I have a very "loud" personality... In the circles I have run in my life, I have found that I am the type of person, you either like, or you don't. I have never held it against people who have personality clashes with me, and I find that typically, I can feel that tension right away.

There are ups and downs to being a "loud" personality... I make friends/acquaintances much quicker than most... I can strike up a conversation almost anywhere, anytime. I can hold my own in most conversations. I am a natural leader, and a "go-getter"....

Unfortunately, with each up, comes a down. I think during this week, I have managed to hit almost every down there is. Despite having "toned down" my personality, and learning to be able to blend with a crowd when need be, and even learning to clue in pretty quickly when I am going to have a conflict with someone, or if our personalities are going to clash etc... I still have times, like this, where I wish that I wasn't wuite so outgoing. It is a horrible feeling to wish you could behave a different way, and to go back and fourth between feeling confident and self concious.

As much as I am loud and outgoing, I am extremely sensitive, and I avoid conflict at all costs. Avoiding conflict leads me to a place where I tend to bottle everything inside and often times end up exploding on small issues. Once in a while, I will actually hit a justified breaking point. Today was one of those times. I was in a position where I had to stand up for myself. Unfortunately it was in an incident where I shouldn't have to, because of that, I am angry... I am angry at having to justify myself, my integrity, my honour, and all based on nothing.

Paired with other stressors in my life, it is giving me a bit of a mind trip, and I find myself having to scrape myself off the ground again. What angers me more than having to validate myself, is that I actually allowed someone else, someone who has no signifigance in my life, to take me down this hard.

I have dealt with self esteem issues my whole life. From being a child and dealing with varying degrees of abuse, to having to deal with constant critisms, justifications of mysel... and always being told no, or you can't do that. I don't think there are many issues in my life that I haven't had to deal with... The fat child with a horrific overbite, the nieave young girl who was so smart but wasted her potential getting pregnant, the abusive and loser boyfriends, the illness and death of my mother, the alcoholics throught my family, the uncle who disowned me, being cheated on, cheating, the young single mom, anorexia, you name it, I have probably been there, and then we top the cake with cancer at 25.. Hell, let's make the deal even sweeter, Let's make all 3 of my children carry the cancer gene as well...

Im not looking for pity here, in fact it's the last thing I want, because honestly, I can say without a single doubt in my mind, that all of that built me up and made me who I am, which honestly, I have been feeling pretty proud of lately... I have overcome almost everything that has been thrown at me and then some.. and no, I didn't get the Masters Degree, and I don't own the house, or the cars, and I haven't done anything spectacular... No, you know what? I have! I have helped raise 3 beautiful, smart, daughters, who surprise me every day with how amazing they truley are and show me how much I have had an impact on their lives.

Aside from that, I have done something else I am pretty damn proud of... I overcame a depression that I thought I would never get out of, and I turned it around... I decided to make it my job to help other people. There isn't alot I can do right now, because I have a ways to go yet in building the organization, securing sponsorships, and building awareness. But in less than a year, I have already done so much with it.

I spend at least 3-6 hours a day, everyday, emailing, networking, corresponding others and trying to build something sustainable for the Young Adult community. I don't get a wage for this, I don't get anything more than anyone else gets... A chance at a better life with cancer.

What started out as a support group, and then a social group, became something more when I realized I could do something to help... Our first big step was when I went to a typical monthlu meeting and mentioned the retreat I was going to in Quebec. In seeing a response from others who wanted to go, I decided to do a fundraiser to assist with the costs... In the process, I realized that this was my passion... Event planning, helping other people, and seeing that I could make people happy.

While I was in Quebec, I was overjoyed to see how I was able to help people have a life changing experience. I have no intention of holding retreats within our own organization, but I realized that I could help other people get to these type of events.

When funding was done for Quebec, everyone got the same amount of assistance. Feather had a fundraiser just prior to mine on behalf of our group. Half of the funds she kept for her trip, and half were donated to the organizationg. The $360 donated by Feather, went into the pot. YACC provided $400 to each of us, Feather paid the remainder of her tickets with her funds, The rest of my $800.00 ticket and the majority of Michelles ticket, as well as a night at the Hilton Hotel in Montreal so we didn't have to red eye it, All the food the day of travel and the day of return were fully paid for with the combination of the $360 Feather put in and the rest was provided out of the organizations fundraised funds.

We had a Large banner custom made for the organization in order to be able to identify ourselves at the many community events we attended over the summer. We purchased a propane Firepit and a full propane tank for the evening of Relay and other outdoor events in the future to keep everyone warm (and thankful we did too.. It was REALLY cold Relay night). The Firepit and Propane remain in storage for organizational use. We purchased Ink to use for Flyers we printed, We purchased snacks for two out of our seven meetings (the rest I funded out of my pocket and never reimbursed), Gas for two of us to attend Relay for life in Chilliwack to promote, and we hosted a huge BBQ for Kristie, One of our Board members who has comitted numerous hours of her time, even after barely recovering from her last treatment and who had just been diagnosed with her 3rd cancer in 2 years. I could provide the other expenses if I were to pull out the records, but the point I'm getting at is that other than being able to go to Quebec with the other girls, on the same terms they did, I have not benefitted from what I have done. I work long and hard at everything I do for the organization, because it is my baby and I am a perfectionist when it comes to work I do. I don't want credit for anything I do. It's not why I do it. I get all the credit I need when I see that people are helped through what ever little I can do.
Anyone who has ever attended anything I have done on behalf of the organization, knows how much I put into what I do...

What I won't accept is people who have no idea what I do, who have never even been around to witness any aspect of our organization, staking claims that have no warrant. Today my integrity came into question when I was accused of running the organization for my own profit (or at least I assume that was the accusation, it was so covered in haste, it was hard to tell). This is one of the things I mentioned about my personality. For some reason, I attract drama. Maybe because I am so sensitive, people think I will take it and they will get a reaction, and I guess in this case, the person gets what they want. My problem is this, I cannot even phamon being able to accuse anyone of anything without some form of proof or at least asking questions I may have. I also cannot imagine why anyone would want so badly to hurt someone... to need so badly to hope and seek for bad in people. I guess some of my lack of understanding comes from my own desire to stay away from conflict, it makes it hard to understand why someone would create it without any cause.

I am hoping that if I can make it this year without any tumour issues, that I will go back to school in Sept. 09 and get my social work in hopes that I can better deal with issues such as this. I need to learn how to take the personal out of it, to be able to take it for what it is, instead of letting it affect my own integrity. I remember a conversation I had with someone of high rank in the organizational world. Someone I aspire to be like one day. I was told that these type of things are going to be a a part of what I do... Maybe not in the mannerism that this has taken form in, but in some way or another. There is always someone out there looking to bring you down when you are trying to make a stand. It's learning to seperate it and have strength in what it is that you are doing, because in the end, what you stand for will always show itself... Pretenders can only pretend for so long, when you are real, it shows.

So I pull my shoulders back, put my head back up, and I carry on, because to let something defeat me, is to let the one thing in my life win, that I refuse to let win... and that's negativity...

This quote is soo fitting...

Despite the immense challenges that we have faced and continue to face, we refuse to indulge in negativity or pessimism. We are an organization that believes in empowering people to be their best.
Talal Abu-Ghazaleh

Our organization is about finding a better quality of life. Finding a way to be empowered, and to conquer the negativitey. I am still learning too. I am constantly working towards being the person I want to be, and I will be learning for the rest of my life. I have made some really, really major steps this past year though, and yes, I am proud, and I have nothing to prove, because anyone who knows me, who really takes the time to see inside me, knows who I am, what I stand for, and how passionate I am, and that is all that is important.

The thing that I find the most ironic, is everyday, there is someone, somewhere throwing a fundraiser for something. Hell, I know of fundraisers that people throw for themselves! To each his own, but for every fundraiser that is held, there is hundreds of people, going through the same thing, or worse, on their own. People who are not crying out for help, people who have no complaints, people who just do what they have to do to get through. I can't help everybody, and in this world full of charities, we have to pick and choose what to support, with fundraisers on every corner, not that any one charity is more meritted than another, but because we just can't do everything. But what I can do, and what I am trying to do, is help the people who don't know how to go out and help themselves, who don't complain and look for a free ride every chance they get.

Right now in our organization, we have a 28 year old girl, 2 kids, married with a husband who works fulltime. She had breast cancer in 2006. After 5 failed reconstructive surgeries, she was finally headed in for her final reconstructive surgery.. 2 days after her surgerie, she felt great.. things were going well.. I was amazed how well she looked and how active she was. Shortly after, her incision started leaking. She continued to work. Her incision started to open, she continued to work.Finally, she ended up in emergency with her incision entirely open. Her surgery had faied, again. the skin was too thin to support the implant and her only option left is to take muscle and skin from her shoulder to rebuild. She has been through this so many times that she is on the verge of saying forget it. 28 years old and she is willing to give up on her body image to not have to go through it anymore. Better still, she gets to walk around with an open incision and a dead implant for a month, and she never complains.

Another girl in her very early twenties has a rare chronic cancer, a childhood cancer that is very rare in adults. She has had a full kidney removed, and a lung operation. Now she does weekly chemo. Not once has she ever complained. She is always "doing well" and "feeling good".

A young mother of two very small children. Diagnosed with breast cancer when newly pregnant with her second, and risked her life to carry her beautiful child to term. HEr english is broken and she finds it hard to communicate. She has just finished chemo and has little strength and barely gets through her days, but reaches out to no one.

Another girl, early thirties, is going through chemo for he 3rd round of cervical cancer in 2 years! She had just finished her last treatment and was rediagnosed within acouple of months. Again, she never complains, she never asks for, or accepts help. None of them do.

These are the inspirations that I see on a daily basis, the amazing young people who have so much strength, integrity, acourage. I wish I had half the courage that they do. I am so humbled by everything that I learn through the people I encounter on a constant basis. I feel so privellaged to have the oppurtunity to do what I am doing, and that is all I need to feel that what I am doing is worth while. My hope and healing comes through my interactions with others who amaze me.

So, I know this has turned into one of my blog novels, but as I mentioned, it has been one of those weeks where my personality has done me no favours.

I think I have injured a friendshipthrough combining friendship and business. I am devestated by it. I decided to do something I never do, and tried to be honest with my feelings. I thought by doing that, I would prvent any hostile feeling between us, but I think that it may have done the opposute and created hostility. So I am having some issues with myself on that one and not sure how to make it better. I thought I was doing what was best, but I am beginning to think that bottling things works more in my favour. Arggh.

Here's hoping the rest of my week goes better than it has so far. One of our silent auction sponsors is in the hospital with Kidney stones... I feel horrible for her because I know what Kidney pain feels like and I do not envy her. At the same time I am panicking a bit as her donations were a good part of the auction and I am concerned I may not be able to pull it off without it. Positive thoughts would be great at this point if you can spare them! *Smile*

So tonight I sat on my first real bike! Backwards? Yes entirely... It was only tonight, 2 classes through my lessons, done my theory portion, and I have never sat on a bike!

So I tried out a Honda shadow 250, a V-star 250, and then got to sit on the "instuctor bike", a nice big 650. 550 pounds and wow... It's heavy! Apparently the weight of the bike is not as scary as you learn, but man, it was intimidating tonight!

My first class was on Friday in Coquitlam. It was a very outspoken group, where as tonights class was a bit quieter. There are 3 women including myself in this class.

Anyways, I am totoally stoked about starting to ride on Saturday, though scared as hell at the same time! There is alot of risk in riding, and even the school instills that in you. I am also scared to death of screwing up, or failing my tests etc... I am also pretty nervous about how my tailbone will work out. I am crossing my fingers that those days will be good days, and the pain will work with me.

I can't believe the kids are back to school tomorrow! This summer went way too fast, mind you, since Sammy got home and the kids are riding each other, I am more than ready for them to have the disctraction. With the return to school, comes the return to me being mom's taxi. THe next couple of weeks will be quite the juggle with my riding lessons, the kids activities and school. Not to mention the Fundraiser this Friday, Jolica parties, Chris and my health appointments, The girls screening and trying to make my way back to work too...

Chris has taken on a mystery shop job this week that will keep him busy Wednesday and Thursday. Tomorrow we will go to Surrey and pick up our riding gear as I need it on Saturday when I begin to ride. Friday is the fundraiser and I have a TON of work to do for that over the next few evenings. Hopefully I will be able to get together all the silent auction items together and get their bidding sheets done up as soon as possible, I also have to wrap all the door prizes. Friday we have to head out early to decorate Boone County and then the fundraiser.

I am a little nervous about the fundraiser as I have not presold any tickets. I know there are lots of people saying they are coming, but as with the last event, I will stress until It is all successful.

I have been having bad panic attacks every night this week. I am sure that it is due to everything going on right now. Last night I didn't sleep until 4:30am. I wish I could find some balance in how I deal with things when I take on too much. I am so grateful to all those who have stepped up and helped me in this past week. It means so much to know you have people looking out for you when you get in too deep. I wish I could tell you how much it really means.

Well, I know this has not been the most interesting post, but I wanted to get something in. I have been told by afew people that sometimes the only way they know I am still doing ok, is by reading my blog, so every once in awhile I throw a boring update in, just to let you know I am ok.

I will write with some more interesting stuff soon.