I realize I have been less than efficient with blogging lately.

It seems like ever since I got back, my life is on warp speed. I cannot believe it has been almost 2 weeks since I have gotten home. I have so much on my mind and so much on the go, that I wonder how I will get through it all with the pride that I have come to expect of the work I do.

It is August already! Half of summer is gone! I can hardly believe the school year came to a close, let alone being only a month away from a new one.

Last Sunday we went over to Victoria as Chris had a ton of appointment having to do with his release on the Monday. We went and stayed at a motel, looking forward to a night with mo children (At Chris's mom's house) something we haven't had since December of 06. Money, as always, was an issue, especially not knowing whether the military would reimburse it, as they enjoy playing those power trip games with us.

We decided to stay somewhere I said I would never stay again. A little motel, just off Douglas street. We had stayed there everytime my mom had gotten ill, and the last time I stayed there, was the night before she passed away. Keeping in mind I cannot even drive past the Victoria Hospital without losing it... I decided it would be ok to face my issues, and stay there none the less. It had always been very reasonably priced, one of the cheapest in Victoria, and the managers were amazing. The rooms, while not elegant, were clean and the beds were sleepable. All in all, a good value for the few bucks you had to put out. We called to book and were very impressed that they still knew us, the rooms were only afew dollars more, and they would hold it for us on honour... They still had that same magic touch. After we dropped the kids off, and had a lunch with dad (Bruce) we headed up to our room, giddy like little kids at having the whole afternoon to lay in bed and watch movies, and then head out for a nice dinner with the money we had saved.

We arrived and the outside looked a little more run down than it had 4 years ago, but this is bound to happen. So we unload, get our room key and head upstairs.... I kid you not, I think there was a murder in that room not too long before we got there. There were cut marks all over the room, stab marks on the walls and patterns cut into the bathroom floor. The chair that was there for sitting was stained with who knows what, and the carpet beside the bathroom door, had a huge bleached out section that I SWEAR was consitent with a blood spatter. I should also metion that we had to walk past a "clown" to get to our room... We joked that the kids would love the free entertainment as the cracked out - overly made up- thing and her... pimp? smoked a joint right in front of our open door (Trust me, the dank smell meant the door was open except while we slept) before bed. Now, I know that this is very unusual of me, but I decided to stay anyways... We had several good chuckles about the various "Scary" things surronding us, and in the end, enjoyed ourselve despite the nastiness we slept in, and yes... we inspected the sheets and all was well.

I think, as sad as it sounds, it broke the tension that Victoria holds for me since mom's death, and it led to all sort of "We're so broke" jokes. It really was a reflection of how childlike Chris and I can be at time and it brought back memories of the less stressed days of the past. Now all that being said, I will never stay there again, but I am kinda happy that little place has gone downhill because it brough the humour that has been missing in our lives, back again.

The Monday appointments were chaotic and evil as we ran through what all needs to be done prior to Chris's release on the 18th and made the whole situation we are coming up on, a whole lot more real. We will be -$700.00 a month off our already piddly monthly income, very, very soon. I have faith that things will work out the way they are meant to, but it is a pretty scary reality.

Ever since getting back from Quebec, I have been dead tired and getting more than 12 hours of sleep in the course of every day. I am also bruising very easily and quite badly. I will have to go into the Dr's, but as much as I know avoidance is the worst thing to do... I am procrastinating.
My Tailbone pain had come back full on, having offered me only a week or two reprieve with little pain. I am eager to get a date for my MRI and prove to myself that it is nothing... It drives me nuts how my imagination likes to play with me. All "Ass cancer" jokes aside, it is making me pretty nervous.

ICBC has officially denied me and the children's claims, yet continue to pay me lost wages and my massage therapy... so however that works. They are allowing Chris's claim due to his preexisting back injury. Fine by me, I just hope I get a jury when I take their buts to court... I mean I have pictures and Dr's notations of the huge seatbelt bruises on my pelvis, as well as my specialist saying I had a bruised bladder as a result of the impact.. I am not sure what more they need... Trust me, I would much rather be doing something better with my time than trying to rehab a messed up neck and shoulder and having bladder issues. The worst part is, I wasn't even looking for some massive settlement... I just wanted to be taken care of.

On Tuesday I had the honor of speaking for the Mid Day Rotary in Mission. What a great lot of folks. After I stumbled through my speech ( I did from my heart like I was advised to, and ended up leaving out a ton of stuff I wanted to say.... Not taking advice again.. Pre written speeches are the way to go) I ended up talking to several amazing people who have opened some new doors for us. It was very exciting and I look forward to doing more with them in the future. A huge thank you to Eleanore at London Drugs for arranging it for us.

Now comes the heavy part... I am having a very difficult time dealing with Kristie's diagnosis. While I know in my heart that she will get through it, I am dealing with some old feelings of getting close to someone and losing them. I have felt myself trying to battle these emotions and have found moments where I am sort of lost inside myself, trying to figure it all out. Not only is it entirely unfair that such an amazing person should be going through this.. AGAIN.. but from a selfish perspective, I have to wonder why it is, that when I get close to someone, things go wrong. I will continue to battle this one because I know that it is stupid and petty and that in the greater scheme of things I will always be thankful to have Kristie in my life, but I hate having to deal with the sadness that engulfs me. I know too, that this will be a part of my journey as a facilitator and director of a cancer organization... I am here, every step of the way to make sure she gets through this as easy as possible.. But I'm sorry, I will not change my opinion, that it is just not fair.

Michelle also has her own medical things coming up.. She goes for reconstruction on the 5th. I am sending positive vibes her way that she will get through it with ease.. and she better, because again I am going to be selfish, but I don't need my two best people down! ha ha.. Especially a month before a huge fundraiser.

Kristie and Michelle, I love you both. Stay strong, and get through this.. Think of them as small hurdles before beginning the rest of your lives. That which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Well, Perhaps I shall try to sleep now,

Good night all.