I am constantly reminded of how many amazing people I have been privellaged to meet throughout the growth of YCSC. I am so happy that I began this initiative as it has enriched my life in so many ways.

Yesterday, 4 survivors, including myself, went out to Vancouver to have the tattoo's done that were graciously donated by NEXT! tattoo artist, Conway.

I have to admit that while driving there, I was a little nervous... It had been 8 years since I had a tattoo done, and I couldn't remember what it felt like, as well, I wondered what this person who had so willingly given his time to us, would be like.... Tattooing has always been a form of self expression that I have cherished, when done for the right reason. I have always kept my tattoos in places where they can be seen if I want, or not, if I do not, they are personal.

I made it very clear that while I had the tattoos donated to the group, it was for those who felt the connection to the tattoo and felt they would like to have it done, it was not done as an organizational standard, but was something extra. I think that along the path, there will be things like that, and I am all about providing new oppurtunities and experiences, fully understanding that what is for one person, is not for someone else.

There was 4 of us in total, Michelle, Laura, Cassandra and myself. Kristie would like to get one, but Conway has agreed to do it when she is sure of her cancer status, not wanting to damage it should she have to have radiation again.

I waited anxiously outside of the tattoo parlour with Laura, I picked her up in Surrey and we drove in together. I knew I was talking a mile a minute as I do when I am apprehensive. It wasn't so much the worry of pain, as much as it was that I had built myself up about who was doing it and what "the experience" would be like. Cassandra was very nervous, so I wanted to be sure everything was just right. Laura, previously anti-tattoo, was getting her first one done because the concept appealed to her, again, I felt a need to make sure everything was just so... but then, I always do. I can honestly say I have taken that part of myself from my stepfather, Bruce. I need to be sure, that if my name is on it... It is perfect.

I knew through correspondence, that Conway had recently been diagnosed with cancer himself, lymphoma. I think I built a pretty big expectation in my head prior to even getting in the car to leave, that he had to be someone pretty special, going through what he is, just after his first chemo, and taking on such an emotional cause and project. I think that this too, added to the tension I felt while waiting... Had I over inflated my expectations?

The door opened and a tall, lanky fellow comes out and stands up some signs. I knew from viewing his personal webpage, that the straw cowboy hat, meant this was our man.

"Conway?"

"JULIE!" an oustretched arm was offered in handshake and then I was pulled in for a hug. I immediately felt relieved.

Things happened very fast once they started, and I felt at ease, Cassandra went first, and once we got past the point where she was worried she would cry (She did through a previous tattoo), I was able to relax a little more. She did amazing, though there was never any doubt for me.. I told her just prior "Think of all you've been through! -THIS- is NOTHING!"

As you can see, Conways charm was calm, and placid... He was nothing but shy and quiet.... Ha ha...

Cassandra went with the design in Black faded to green, to signify the Kidney Cancer ribbon of green. While her cancer is Wilms tumour, a cancer typically found in children, so far her hits have been taken in the kidney and lung. I also wanted to get the green to symbolize my own kidney cancer, but my skin does not take green ink, as I have learned with a different tattoo.

It came out beautiful and each of us got more excited about our own upcoming tattoos.

After Casssandra was finished, it was Laura's turn. As I mentioned, Laura had never had a tatto before, but was amazingly calm. She has a very Intuitive personality and is very easily able to tap into her inner self to pull out whatever is needed at the time. Spending the time in the car with her on the way to Vancouver, I was surprised to learn of some of her still standing fears of recurrence after 10 years cancer free. Not that I don't expect that, but I am just always surprised when I hear it expressed again. Having a chronic cancer, I can never imagine living life without the fear of positive results, I am learning that once you have had it, that never changes.

Laura went with the grey to symbolize Brain Tumours. She had it done on her neck as she felt this was the least likely to deteriorate over the years. "It's all about when you're 80, how will it look when I'm 80." It's funny because as positive as I feel I am about my own illness, I don't think that I allow myself to see my aging to 80. Although I have to say that none of the three pieces I have, are in places that will seriously degenerate over time.

She sat amazingly still while Conway worked on her neck, and it was SOO Beautiful, I think it was my favorite out off all of us. I had actually thought about my neck too, but since I like to have my hair up for fancy occassions, had decided against it. It was really neat though as she had it line up with her scar from her brain surgery. We kept asking how she was doing and she said she was in the "zen place", it was cute. I have received emails from her since, telling me how glad she is that she did it, and even mentioned the big tattoo "A".. addiciton... I think it is a rush you get of the adrenaline, and the ability to alter yourself to symbolize something that is important, or tell a story. I know that if I had money, there would be other stories I would tell on my own skin.

Then it was FINALLY Michelle's turn, I thought she was going to burst at the seems in anticipation. She went with a bigger design, and seperated the two symbols, one on each foot. When we get back from Quebec, she is going back in to have the breast cancer ribbon put behind one. Her symbols were done in pure black and they are very crisp and sharp looking. At this point, Cassandra and Laura left to head home to other obligations. I think at this point my guard came down entirely, as I felt at ease that both had a good experience. I forewarned that I was now going to be there as a client as opposed to the facilitator of YCSC. Michelle and I started being silly and joking with Conway, at which point I felt he relaxed some too... I have to wonder what he was expecting of us as well! We shared cancer stories and had some laughs. Michelle and I both commented after, how much of a connection we felt with him. This seems to be the case quite often in the small Young Cancer realm. It is easy to connect to people who have been there too.

His own story is another one where I sit back and say "Wow!" I am so incredibly lucky to have been able to meet so many amazingly strong individuals. Every story I hear is so incredibly inspirational, and helps me to mould who I want to be in the future battles with my own C. I could never have asked to attend a better school to learn how to be an example to my children, than by doing what I am doing.

When it was my turn, I laid on my stomach and tensed up, expecting pain. The truth is, I didn't feel much of anything! It actually was less than I ever remember a tattoo being, which wasn't much. When Conway looked at my back piece, he was talking about how it is puffy (The ink sticks out of the skin a bit.. I have actually always kind of liked how it does that!)I told him it had always been that way and he said that it would be because they went too deep in the skin. Since both my previous tats were done by the same person, perhaps that explains why I felt virtually nothing while this piece was done. That or Conway is just the god of tattoos, which honestly, I wouldn't be nervous to say at all! He has done alot of travel and had a ton of different tattooing experiences, I felt incredibly confident in his presence. My piece was done on my back, and we discussed a bit about pink. I wanted it faded to pink, but was worried since I am so darkly tanned, that it would not be visible. I had seen some pictures online where it was on dark skin and it did. He said that those pics were likely of fresh work, as chances are, as it fades, it would be more dull. I was fairly nervous about my colour choice, but we decided to go for it anyways and rehit it if need be. Unfortunately, as I look at it today, it is BEAUTIFUL close up, but from afew steps back, it almost looks like half a tattoo. I am afraid I will have to do a different colour, or find some way of making the pink darker, maybe mixing it with purple or something. I will discuss further with Conway when I get home from Quebec, but I am SOO happy with his work.