Another one of those rare times I needed to blog twice.

I have settled down some and am not feeling as wounded right now. I appologized to Chris tonight for enduring my maniac beahaviour the past few days. I have been very, very snappy.

We have been working on a redesign for the website, and I think somehow I got dazzled by sparkles, and set a somewhat complicated and unrealisticgoal, but upon reassesing today, something i have kinda been doing since choosing it, so obviously it wasn't the right choice, I choose a different layout. I feel much more at ease with the new layout and am very excited to see the progression over the next week. I am hoping we can debut it before the end of the month. We have also gone through a rename for various reasons, and I am eager to reintroduce the new face of our initiative.

A girl who had been discussing coming out to join our group for the past several months, had been taking a long time to reply to an email I sent her in April. When I was going through my email inbox and cleaning it up, I was reminded that I had not heard back from her. I sent off a quick one line email, asking her how she was doing, as when we last spoke, she was having some post treatment transition issues, as many of us do in the cancer world.

On Thursday morning, when I answered an unknown incoming call on my cell phone, and the lady on the other end introduced herself as Heather's mom, I immediately knew what was coming. Heather has passed on in April. I had no idea. I was shell shocked. Again, another YA who seemed so strong and as if she was just needing to sail through this transition and she would be right back on top of it. I have not gotten very many details, Heather's mother is trying to cope at the moment the best she can, so I hope to be able to provide more info as time goes on, but I wonder how much this news has played into my anxiety as well. Two beautiful and amazing spirits, both seemed like strong, guiding lights, and both have left us suddenly. I hate this new part of my world, but again remind myself that the good that comes with this all, outweighs the bad... I just wish there didn't have to be a bad. With this, I also find a renewed sense of having to continue on, even stronger with my mission.

The amazing thing that has come of this is Heather's mom wanting to become a part of our organization, and like me, help other who are going through what she is. There are discussions in works for how we will, in the neat fuure, introduce a new component to our organization, and I will announce details when I am able. I am so happy to see the wonderfully strong supporters of Young people, coming out to make a difference. Together, we can all make a huge difference on awareness, education and the quality of life for all current and future patients.

I wanted to come back and close this day on a good note. I know I am late, but I want to say that I am sure Heather will be dearly missed by her friends and family, and my heart goes out to all of them as they work through this grief. I am proud to have Heather's mother come on board in honour of her daughter. Keep on shining Heather, you will be in our thoughts always.

As for me, I am going to try and sleep tonight, and hope to come into tomorrow with a less scattered and self injured perspective.

Good night all