Ahh.. I loved Matchbox 20 back in the day..

Ha ha, sorry I have not written in so long! Things have been absolutely, insanely, crazy, hectic lately! Where to start?!

Well...I haven't been getting alot of sleep lately. Have missed many of my afternoon naps being held hostage by my dear friend Kristie.. Ok, so maybe I was the one holding her hostage, but same thing. We have been knee deep and then some trying to get everything lined up and perfect for pub night, which is TOMORROW! This is explains why I am up at 1am right now as well, and why I haven't fallen asleep before 1am for almost two weeks.

I have quite bad anxiety along with my depression, both thanks to the big C. I am not a believer in anti depressants but there came a point almost 2 years ago when I realized I had to do something because I could not continue living the way I was. I went through a huge series of types, before eventually giving up and trying to do it without for about 6 months. Unfortunately, that wasn't an option either as I grew more and more depressed, isolated, scared and began exhibiting it voiced in anger. I eventually got in to see a Psychiatrist. I was able to figure out that SSRI's and I -DO NOT- work together. The usual course used to deal with anxiety paired with depression is a combination of meds, one of which is almost always an SSRI. So while I have been on an anti depressant that works wonders for me, it doesn't do quite enough for the anxiety. The result is my mind racing when I lay down to sleep. Whenever I have something on the go, this goes into overdrive. I take something in the Valium family to help me fall asleep and to stop the nighttime anxiety, but it often takes as much as an hour to do the trick. So lately I have felt a huge amount of sleep deprivation with everything we have taken on.

This week alone, started on Sunday with the Look Good Feel Great Event, hosted by Shoppers Drug Mart. It was a nice afternoon that brought out almost all of our YACC group. Even people we didn't expect. It was wonderful to see Darla so bright and chipper, and coming out of her shy, cancer shell. She looked amazing after her makeover too, and was even out with her own hair with just a hairpiece rather than a wig. I worried about Christene all afternoon as she was not feeling well and she looked really week. My thoughts have been with her all week. Cassandra brought her beau, sporting her new tres short haircut in prep for her first Chemo treatment, which took place today. She tried on some wigs and asked lots of questions. Her beau Denis seems wonderful, I am well rested knowing she is going to have a great support team.
Kristie, Michelle and I just had a ball as usual. We were definitely the rowdiest table there! And Kristie won the grand prize! A 2 night stay in an $800 a night cabin. She really deserves it after her recent 3rd bout with her nasty C. It really was a beautiful day. We left the event and Kristie, Michelle and I headed to see Feather in the hospital. She came home later that night and It is so nice to see her so level again. It really did her alot of good.
Monday brought the start of the week, as usual.. the daily grind. Tuesday was just full with domestic chores, and Kristie was over in the morning to order our team shirts for Relay for Life. They are great.. they have CANCER SUCKS written on them with a big stuck out tongue. We have all ordered them. We have a nice big team with 14 so far and more joining. All Young Adults with Cancer or their supporters/family. We all get along so well! I guess I skipped over that, Monday night we had our Relay for Life meeting, where most of us got together, met everyone we hadn't before, had some desert and discussed details. I am soo amazed by the strength of the connection between us all. our group is so close, and really there for each other, even the brand new members! It is wonderful.
Today was CHALK FULL! I went tanning this morning, did some shopping with Chris and splurged and bought myself an outfit we really couldn't spare the money for me to buy, but Chris is always so good to me that way and usually figures out some way to make it up in the budget, though things are REALLY tight right now and I am -SO- worried about when we take the 25% pay cut in August. How do you manage with $700 a month taken out of an already TIGHT budget? Anyways...
After that we headed home and Chris went for a nap. I got some stuff done for the pub night and then Kristie picked me up and took me into Chilliwack so we could get the last of the donations picked up. We stopped on the way home and bought a cash box for the group as it is something we will need frequently.
When I got home it was a quick dinner, then Sam had a Band concert for the grade 5 students orientation at her school, boo had dance. Came home, kids to bed, started on more pub night stuff.... and here we are at 1:45am!
I mentioned Cassandra had her first Chemo today, she reports it went well and I am hoping it will for her... Michelle took her out a care kit with some little gifts in it to ease the chemo boredom/nausea etc... and gave it on behalf of the group. See what I mean about the closeness in the group?! Cassandra has only been to one meeting, and then the Relay meeting, but there is this instant connection within the members.. it is really amazing.
That being said, on Sunday night we lost one of the girls who had attended a meeting and had been in constant email contact. Janelle Hughes, died from post Breast Cancer complications at only 26 years old. It was a hard hit and something I am not prepared to get used to.... so all my friends better plan on having long lives!
So tomorrow is the much anticipated pub night. I am hoping it goes well. I didn't presell as many tickets as I would have liked, but I have many people saying they are paying at the door. I really want this to be a success... I have put so much time and energy into it... and I know there is huge potential. I guarantee after tomorrow night that next year will be a sell out. We have really rounded up alot of great items.

A - HUGE- thank you goes out to everyone who donate.. business and personally.... everyone who helped... all my girls... especially Kristie and Michelle... I couldn't have pulled it off without you two... and all my supportive friends... The scary part is, this is just the beginning... We have a very large, very bright future.

Which brings me to my big announcement.

This afternoon I was contacted by the Pro Bono Lawyer's that I had applied for. We have been matched with a lawyer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay I know.. I have to explain this one. Basically in order to get through the process of becoming a non profit organization and then a charity.. I need help to decipher all the mumbo jumbo red tape. Hence the lawyer... Which means things are going to kick into high gear VERY VERY fast now! I am *SO* excited. I cannot believe how fast all of this has come together and how close I am to making my dream of making life easier for Young Adults with cancer, come true!

So That is what the rest of the week holds. Friday we are headed out to do some info and awareness of ourselves at the Relay for Life in Chilliwack tent, and we should hear from the lawyer then too....

So.... That will decide the next little while for us as well... I am so eager to start this new chapter!

I think I have given you enough to read for tonight.

It is 2:01am on Thursday, May 29th, 2008 - The day of our FIRST ANNUAL YACC PUB NIGHT!

My happy thought for the night is:
I have always heard that if you dream big and reach for the stars, you can make anything happen. It takes more than dreams.. it takes alot of perseverance and luck too... but I have realized I am in control of my destiny and where I choose to go in this life. I may have no control over my health, or how long I am here, but I have EVERY say in how I spend it and on what terms I leave on... That is a very empowering position to be in.

Good night.