Wow.... it's been so crazy lately. I don't know where to start.

I think tonight i sorta burnt out of wick! I think I took on too much at once, and too soon after recovering from my Pain episode. I felt good and strong once I recovered, so I jumped in.. Ack.. what am I talking about... I never got out. Even while I was sick I was zapping emails here, there, and everywhere.

Anyways, tonight's meeting.. I get there at 6:30 and have three people waiting for me! Highly unusual.. but then so was the rest of the night!!! :o) I felt quite a confused and nervous feeling tonight when I began meeting. Typically everything flows really smoothly, and I don't think twice about it. It is typically really natural. Tonight I didn't know where to start or how to begin. I think the fact that I didn't have my usual 30 minutes to get into gear, like usual, may have thrown me from the beginning. Typically, when I arrive, I turn on the relaxation music, and settup up, taking my time. It was a little different with so many people there so early. From there, I wanted to wait a bit to start as I had been told that Devon (The new male member) would be out tonight, so I wanted to make sure we saved retreat conversation for when he arrived. So that threw me off too. As it turned out, he did not show... It is unfortunate, but I guess he wasn't ready. We hope he will come out soon, when he can find the strength to give it a try!

So things started bumpy, with my unorganized thoughts and way too much on my mind. When I should have led conversation, to allow everyone a chance to speak equally, I found myself sitting back, reeling, watching everyone hold a bunch of different conversations. I attempted to salvage it at one point, but between my cluttered brain and the fact that everyone seemed to connect on their own level, I let it go for tonight.

It wasn't a huge deal, and if it was all usual members, I probably wouldn't have thought twice about having a different format for tonight, but the fact that we had three new people who are at critical points in their journey, I felt like there should have been more focus on what they needed. It really was an unusual night, but as with everything, I learned from it. I think I need to make sure, especially when there is alot going on like right now, to bring along an outline, and really watch my timing and such. I hope that we will see everyone back again in June, when things will be *MUCH* more settled. Fundraiser will be over, and Relay for Life will have it's own night for discussion.

I knew when I got home that it was me burning out that sent the meeting into misdirection. It was awesome though, for a moment I could sit there, looking at these 8 amazing women, all at different junctions in their journey with cancer, sitting and discussing with others in the same boat, and realize.. that I made all this happen. We now have members from Mission, Abbotsford, Langley, Surrey and even Port Coquitlam. -Wow- Look what's coming together?!?!

Our Graphic Designer Carmen, was going to come out tonight too.. Probably good that she didn't with me being off my game, but her poor little girl sprained her ankle. I got the final draft of the event poster and will hopefully be getting those out on Wednesday when Kristie and I head out for our final fay of donation canvassing for prizes etc. Carmen's way of making it up to me, hopefully not because I guilted her too bad.... was to work on our website all night. I am sooo psyched to see the results.. It will be the final touch to an amazing month for Young Adults Conquering Cancer.. to finally have our real, shiny website. Carmen is so amazing.. I know I have said it a million times, but it is so true.

I've always known I have guardian angels, but lately I feel like I have been sent some earth bound angels. Carmen, Kristie and Michelle.... I love you guys.. thank you for empowering me. I wonder if you have any idea how you have contributed. The most insane part for me, is how you can know someone for such a short period of time, and yet they have such a profound effect on who you are.

I have a briefcase.. Dad pulled through for me. My next challenge is a Laptop. If anyone is aware of anyone with an old laptop they are no longer using who would like to donate in exchange for credit as a group sponsor, and possibly a tax receipt when we become a charity, please let me know.

Phone Conference went *Really well* on Friday. I can't really comment on it all too much right now, but I am soo glad that it happened!


Chris started out having an upset stomach last night, this morning it was a full blown cold and by tonight, it was 102.4 fever! Managed to get his fever down to 101 and with nyquil and advil, got him to sleep. He's on the couch, so that hopefully Trinny doesn't get it. I started taking Cold FX with him yesterday morning, in hopes that I will strengthen my immune and not get this as well. Also hoping the kids don't! Sam is scheduled to go to her dad's on the 15th and I am back to work on the 12th. All we need is a household epidemic! I'll be resorting to some serious positive thinking tonight.

I've finally been able to tan again more often as I am able to get myself in and out of the bed easier now. I am still having spasms, but they are entirely internal now and I feel much stronger. That being said, I feel like my pain is much more sever since losing the weight while I was sick. Chris has suggested that my body might still be adjusting to the massive loss of lbs. I noticed last night that my right breast is signifigantly smaller than my left. Again, I am assuming it is something to do with the weight loss as this has never been an issue before. Of course, with a family background in breast cancer, my mind automatically goes there, but I will watch for a bit. I am sure it is nothing.

I went into a normal store and bought regular sized pants the other day. What a rush! To just pick up a pair of jeans and think.. hmm I like these, try them on, and they fit! I have almost rebuilt my wardrobe now since losing all the weight. My loss as of tonight is now 26lbs. Crazy! Not complaining. I haven't been this skinny in almost 9 years. I have 23lbs til I am satisfied, and 43 til the Dr's are! Ha!

Man, I have had alot of long enteries lately. Luckily... I am pretty sure no one reads... I write like no one is anyways!! Haa haa... Well Chris is snoring on the couch and it's going to be a long day tomorrow without his help.. so I am off!

it is Tuesday, May 06, 12:47am

Today's happy thought is,
YACC Is growing in leaps and bounds. I am thinking that I can easily set a 2 year goal instead of 5. I am anxious to continue participating in community events and raising awareness for Young Adults with Cancer. I am happy in my life and with all I have achieved lately.