Been while since I wrote.

Tonight's more of an update...

1.Haven't seen, heard from, or seen any Nipple droppings lately.. I think she may have made her great escape.

2.Thing's are quickly coming together for my big adventure to Quebec with 3 donations in so far and hopefully a successful benefit fundraiser for the group on the 12th.

3. First week of dieting went well... 6 pounds down. Felt great.

4. Second week of dieting failed fabulously... We celebrated what would have been mom's 50th bday party with CHinese and Ice Cream cake, and then fell off the wagon from there. 4 pound up. Not impressed.

5. Tomorrow marks the start of week three and a new beginning.

6. Fibre.... Fibre does exactly what it says it does... be warned.

7. I have decided I have no tolerance for idiots in my life any longer. Certain people can not be bothered with anything other than themselves, and I don't have time to give pieces of myself to them for nothing in return. So I have decided to put into every relationship, exactly what I get back.

8.Nobody's life is good all the time, and some people have it a bit worse.. but there is always a reason to smile, and try to make each day better than the last.

9. You cannot do all of science world in 2.5 hours.

10. Taking the skytrain rather than fighting traffic and buying a year membership instead of waiting in line... saves at least 30 minutes of your life in the stress loss alone.

11. No matter how hard I try.. I cannot blog every night.

12. Sometimes I am funny without even trying... This worries me.

13. I need my daily naps or I get grumpy

14. Chris needs his daily naps or he get grumpier.

15. My 12 year old, may very well drive me to my grave long before my illness, and if she doesn't... I am sure the other 2 will push me over the edge when they reach teendom...

Well.. I think that's the important bits.. I will try to find more time to write soon.

What a day....

So we get up at 4am, drag the little girls out of bed and drive all the way to BC Ferries. We get there an hour early only to read that not only is the ONLY ferry that will get us there in time FULL... but the 9am ferry is also 60% full! WHAT? Reservations had been sold out since last night. I would never have thought to even reserve for this boat as in the past, my experience was, only truckers and busses took this one. I cannot begin to tell you how PO'd I was.
So we turn around and come home. The girls sleep the whole way and are ready to be awake when we get home. We snuck naps while they watched TV and cuddled with us. Sometime the Tube Babysitter works out...

Tonight I went to go out for my tan and decided to throw on a pair of shorts. Shorts that fit me comfortably last year when I lost all my weight. For those who don't know, I lost 22lbs in 2 months, then continued to lose another 18lbs over the next couple of months for a total loss of 40lbs. I have gone up and down a bit since then, but never went more than 10lbs up. Well recently I had noticed that 10lbs go to 15 as I have been being far too interested in night time snacking again... EEK!

When I put the shorts on.. they were tight. Weighed myself and I was up another 2lbs! NO WAY.. Done... time to smarten up again. So I started my new food log, and I worked out. I only made it 23 of the 25 minute video, but it felt good and 23 min is actually not bad, since I only made about 17 min my first week when I started last year.

The strange part was, I opened up last years food log and noticed that I started my plan on exactly the same date but April of last year. Obviously something in the air for me this time of year. This year more so due to my retreat in Quebec this July. No way I'm having greenpeace called when they see the whale in the table cloth laying by the lake!!!!

In theory it should be easier this time to actually get it all off, as when I finished last year I had about 30 left to lose to be happy. But then I was starting 70lbs heavy. This year I am starting 48lbs heavy so, crossing my fingers. It would be soo nice to have my old body back.

Chris also got the urge after me and made it through 24 minutes himself, which is pretty good for someone with a buggered back. Then again, I have a crappy side, I think this particular video makes it easy to tailor your workout without over straining yourself.

Why is it that I have to be tormented with multiple crappy genes anyways? I have mom's VHL. Dad's oily hair, Mom's weight issues, Dad's Skin tags that are coming with age... I told Chris that if I get dad's diabetes or my aunt's & grandma's breast cancer, that someone has it out for me and I call it quits! HA!

Tomorrow brings yet another crazy day. I got asked to cover a shift at the Abbotsford store, and then we have a staff dinner.. I believe it is our Christmas party? Hmmmm. So low calorie breaky and lunch to allow for the calories I don't need at dinner. I sense Thursday will be a salad day! :o)

As a side note. Still no nipple. No one has seen her though either, maybe when we moved the fridge she darted? Time will tell.

Happy thought for today. It's Tuesday, March 11, 2008. 9:42pm

I feel like I made acouple mature decisions today. I was able to recognize that my weight needed to be addressed again, before it started to climb out of control, and I was able to identify that a logo I had wanted to have made for the cancer group I run, while hugely appealing to me, was not the ideal public image for the group. How grown up!

Tonight will be a quick note. My loving husband has decided to give me the gift of an inhumane morning alarm. Tomorrow is yet another in the series of ridiculous,wasted, trips to the island for his healthcare. Don't ask why it needs to be done over there, basically it comes down the the Department of National Defence spending your tax dollars on useless crap. So hats off to the military and their making me drag two sleeping babies out of bed at 4am tomorrow.

As for nipple.... I am afraid she is too smart for us, or she is allergive to peanut butter. If she doesn't find her way into the tube o'peanut by tommorow, I will have to find another method.

I spent the afternoon filling the humungo holes in our bathroom wall, caused by my eldest daughter, who thought doing her cheer routine with our towel rack as support, was a spectacular idea. She ripped it right out of the lame, 1950's stucco plaster wall, leaving two gapping holes. After looking at the holes for two weeks, I decided to deal with it. Now I have to head back to the hardware store and see if they can match the puke off white/yellow bubbling paint that the military patiently slapped all over everything and happened to catch the walls with while they were at it. Sam is paying half the bill.

I watched August Rush tonight. What an amazing movie. I cried... but then I cry at everything even remotely sentimental. It has only gotten worse with each child. I am highly in touch with music myself, so this movie wasn't a hard grasp for me.

Well, as I sit here watching the minutes tick and count down the minutes left of sleep, I will wrap it up.

Happy thought for today. It's Monday, March 9, 2008. 11:11pm.

Today I was very upset about something going on in my life that has been a source of huge stress and anxiety. Where I usually supress these feelings and allow them to bubble up and explode, I identified the cause immediately when I started to transfer my feeling onto the people around me. Instead I was able to say, no, I am not really mad at that, this is what I am mad about. It felt good to be able to indentify the source of the pain, instead of allowing it to become bigger than it needed to be.

It's been a long day. Not that I did anything overly productive, in fact, I spent a majority of it sleeping, but I suppose the time change got to me. We spent the evening at Carla's (Chris's sister in Pitt Meadows) house. It was Chris's dad's 60th birthday yesterday and we celebrated that tonight. We got him a balloon bouquet and a Robin Sharma book... If you have never had a chance to read Robin Sharma... DO... His work is amazing... Life inspiration type stuff.... Anyways, it was a nice evening. Hectic as per usual when you combine that many people and kids to boot.

I find it hard to be in busy, loud environments since my craniotomy. Actually, I have never been good in large groups. I find I take in everyone's energy, and that doesn't always work out so well. It tends to be a rather emotional ride for me. This is so much the case, that I no longer had large birthday parties after 7. I would always end up crying over something before the end of the party. Even still, I am much like that. I think my need for attention plays into that a little bit too. A trait I am far from proud of, but aware is there. I always did better with one on one communication. It always felt less competitive. Odd, I know.

We came home and did the typical Sunday night hussle to get everyone to bed, and everything ready for Monday's manic. Lunches, laundry, homework checks, the works. Wow, how does all this become the norm without even being noticed. It is strange how one day, you just realize you are in this adult world.

As Chris is folding laundry, I hear him say "There he goes...". He says this rather nonchalantly, and the worse part is, I am not near as concerned about -what- goes as opposed to the fact that I am convinced it is a she... not a he. I of course correct his choice of gender, and carry on with kids nightly routines. The SHE he is refering to is our new little fridge friend. I call her nipple. don't ask. Nipple made her premier one night when my step mom and sister were babysitting the girls while we were in victoria. Sam saw her scurrie across the floor, and since then, we have been cohabitating with our furry little buddy. I was probably ok with this, as sad as it sounds, but I stared to be able to visualize little nipple, despite never seeing her, and I have decided, she needs to return to the wild wilderness. Everyone in the house has seen her but me, since I have a very vivid imagination, that is perfectly alright.

All this brings me to a huge issue. I cannot handle killing a mouse. I think this all stems back to a very, very warped story that has become one of those "Famous Julie stories" that get told at every event. If you haven't heard it yet, I am sure you will. It will probably be told at my funeral, along with numerous other groaners. Apparently when I was little, my dad used to catch mice and hit them over the head with a hammer... I know right? Sick! Cruel! Inhumane! Might I mention, that if you knew my dad, you would have a hrd time invisioning him EVER doing this, but as the story goes.... As a small child, I was quite enamoured with this method of rodent extermination, and would, at randomn times, grab said hammer and urge my daddy to do it again. Yes, apparently I enjoyed "Bonking the mice on the head". Since then, I obviously had regret issues as I have happily been owned by several pet mice and even two pet rats. Mice are adorable.
So I set on a mission to figure out a humane way to trap a mouse, only after we tried pulling the fridge out and catching it with one of many tupperware containers. Our little nipple is far too smart for this though and never emerged. Though she did have a nice cozy nest under the fridge, and I was quite proud to see it was actually very clean behind my fridge!! Ok.. I know, off topic. So we found advice on using a toilet paper tube, with some peanut butter and cracker in it, balanced over a container. Theory being that the mouse loves a challenge, goes into the tube to get the goodies and whoops! Falls in. Well it's all set up and I am patiently waiting, but no mouse thus far. I must say I am rather dissapointed as I read many stories of people catching numerous mice this way within one hour. Perhaps nipple is just too clever for us. This may take some doing, but I will hope to find a roming nipple in the container in the morning.

We watched Neverwas tonight. What a great movie. If you get a chance to see it, do. I always enjoy a good happy ending.

On that note, since I think I only napped for about 4 hours today, I should probably get some sleep. My husband is soo good to me!!

Happy thought for today
It's Monday, March 9, 2008. 12:43am

I went out of my way to look nice today. I have been getting gutsy with my makeup and have actually bought afew new items of clothing. It felt good to be noticed and get compliments.

So I have tried to blog, but I must admit.. I have never been any good. It is only in the wake of reading friends blogs, that I have decided to try again. This being said, I think I have maybe 4 enteries in the journal that I tried to start too... If I have a hard time writting for myself, I am not sure I will be any good at writing for others. Lord knows I have enough to say, so we will give it a go.

My name is Julie for those who do not know. I am a 28 year old mother of three gorgeous daughters, who, at any given moment, I am ready to strangle... Ok, maybe not all of them... but at least one of them...most of the time anyways...ha.
I am happily married (Except for when I want to shoot him) to my soul mate (Yes, fate can be cruel...). He has to be my soul mate because there is no possibilitie that I would get near as angry, happy, sad, loving, frustrated (the list goes on) with anyone that I was not completely, and madly in love with. There are people in my life who don't get our connection. We fuel each other's fires on occasion and we bicker more than Lucy and Ricardo, but in the end, it is our business and we have made it through pretty well every obstacle life has thrown at us. I am proud of our relationship and that's all that matters!

I work partime at Blockbuster Video. Honestly? I was never a fan of movies, or even TV for that matter, but I have to say that being with Chris, it has become an acquired taste, maybe not such a gain for my brain, but so be it. Working at blockbuster has made movies my passion... I watch *ALOT* of movies. I am also a huge "Reality" TV buff. Yes, we all know what the quotes are for!!

I work shifts of 5 hours or less and no more than 10 hours a week, which pretty much exhausts me. Sad huh? 28 years old and I nap more than I work (I nap pretty near every day from 11-1). Why you ask?

I have a rare "condition", "syndrome", "ailment", "DISEASE"... call it what you will.. everyone else does. I will go into detail later, as I am trying to keep this a brief -me- introduction. I have VHL - Von Hippel Lindau. It is a cancer causing syndrome that basically means, I grow tumours. Like I said, we'll get technical later. Most of my tumours are "Friendly" HA! I love that term... benign.. look it up! But anything in my kidney area, is cancer. So far I have had a brain surgery ,to remove a "Friendly" tumour in 2006 and also had 20% of my left kidney removed the same year, for a less than friendly tumour. The theory is, that although right at this given moment, I appear to be NED (No evidence of Disease) that I always HAVE cancer. tumours are there, waiting. We screen for them constantly. Watch, wait, surrender to these little bastards, until such time they show themselves. Ahhhh.. but I must own my disease, not let it own me... Ok.. we're working on that part.

As if all that is not enough of a kick in the ass... My three beautiful girls, also carry this defective gene. The truth is, I was told in 1997 that I did not have the illness... My DNA test (because it is genetic) came back clean. OOPS! Test was wrong. I have said before that had I known that I was positive for the genetic illness, that I wouldn't have had children. My girls are an amazing gift and I would never, ever, take them back. I do have a tremendous amount of guilt, knowing they may one day, have to deal with this crappola too... I know it was out of my hands, and unintentional, but it is what it is. How do you watch your babies get sick? I hope I never have to, because I can't imagine.

I lost my mom to the same illness in Sept, 2004. I miss her like you can't even imagine. When I think about her, every part of me hurts. I feel like I lost part of me. My mom was never very good at being a mom. Her mom was gravely ill (Also with VHL) since she was little, and the father she was left with, didn't exactly show her how you parent a child, but mom loved me, and she did everything she knew how to do to take care of me, but above all of that, she was my bestest friend. She was the only person in the world that I could call and wake up at 2am and just say nothing... and she got it. I don't know how you go on after you lose that. I am still trying to cope, and I am taking alot longer than I know I probably should, but man, it's hard.... really damn hard.

I've got a whole lot more to say, but it's late, and I don't want to bore you all in one sitting. I am excited about being able to write here. I hope I can keep it up. I will tell you, that it is not going to be a well versed, witty, perfectly grammered blog. Hell, there will probably even be typos and other randomn unexpected crap, but isn't that what life's about? A bunch of randomn, poorly put together thoughts that on occassion, work out alright, but other time's just make no sense?
My therapist (and yes, that's a whole nother topic...) told me to always make sure when you end a journal entry, to end with a happy note on the day. I am going to keep that tradition here.

It's Sunday, March 9, 2008. I think it's 1:42 am, but I am not quite sure because I don't know if the time has officially changed forward an hour yet!

I made coworkers and customers laugh tonight at work. It felt good to make people happy and to have afew good laughs.